PATHOS: A 3 YEAR JOURNEY THROUGH ART, THEATER, COMMUNITY AND COVID
On Sunday night we closed PATHOS at the Paint Factory in Yeronga. It’s hard to believe that this show has finally come to fruition. When I originally pitched Pathos to the Pomona College theatre department in 2018 I couldn't have scripted the whirlwind of a journey that this show would take me on. From the very beginning, it engulfed me, swallowed me up in a desperate attempt to validate myself as an artist and as someone worthy of putting their work upon an American stage. I spent countless early mornings, waking up and working from 3am to try and wrap my head around what I had decided would be an expression of all of who I was: A synthesis of my philosophies on youth, theatre, and technology; an ode to the most incredible four years of my life.
In all honesty, the pressure I put on myself nearly broke me. I had inflated this show to mammoth proportions in my head and missed out on some of the best times of my life because I was obsessed with it. I sacrificed time in relationships that now only exist through disparate messages and occasional facetimes; relationships I would do anything to hold onto for a little while longer. I missed out on truly taking in and embracing the dream that was my time in Prague and NYC. I was so hard on myself for not knowing what this show was then. Only in retrospect can I take that pressure off of myself, and surrender to the knowledge that that was all part of the process.
When I cast the original production in 2019, I took a risk by replacing audition monologues with a personal story of impact. I spent 5 hours listening to some of the most powerful and vulnerable stories I have ever heard. I was moved and quite simply blown away by the willingness of these strangers to open up and share a part of themselves with me. I went home and cried in my dorm room. Part of me realized then that this show was going to be unlike anything else I had ever seen or created. I was lucky enough to find the most beautiful cast in Kendall Packman, Keith Ferguson , Katherine Williamson, Maya Barbon , Siddhant Jain, and Miles Parker. I had an amazing stage management team (Claire Van Note & Sarah Meilinger) and endless support from the entire Pomona College theatre department as well as funding from the Holmes Endowment for the Arts.
As a creative team, we spent over 6 months interrogating the ideas of the show, discussing the themes of our lives, and the moments and memories that made us who we were. We built a family; working late nights and early mornings, trying random ideas out, and attempting to create something that challenged the very idea of theatre at the Claremont Colleges. I am forever in debt to this amazing group of people. They have and continue to inspire me, both as an artist and a person. Each one of them taught me about myself, about theatre, and about what it means to exist in this crazy and uncertain time in our lives. In more ways than one they built the foundations for Pathos — with no exaggeration, their blood, sweat, and tears radiated halfway around the world last weekend.
I remember the moment that we realized we were not going to be able to stage Pathos in the US. I remember crying and screaming and embracing each other. I remember playing beer pong on the Seaver Theatre stage (If you're a member of the theatre department reading this — I'm just joking). I remember climbing onto the roof of the theatre like I had dreamed of when I was a naive freshman projecting myself into my senior year. I remember laughing at the absurdity that was our reality, unsure of the future but grounded in the warmth and love of our little Pathos family.
I flew home three days later. I said goodbye to my visa, to my friends, to my dream. I said goodbye to my second home.
Fast forward to February 2021 - after nearly a year of soul searching and deep processing. I pitched the show to the wonderful Zayne Woodley Lake who came on board as the executive producer for the production as well as the amazing Tarik Dibb who not only acted in the show but assistant produced and ran the marketing campaign. ----You both brilliant collaborators and amazing friends. You both radiate positivity and constantly reminded me that we were meant to enjoy the process. You both believed in me when it would have been much easier not to. Thankyou!
We managed to carry over some funding from the Holmes Endowment for the arts. We auditioned in my hometown of Brisbane and imagined what it would be like to carry over a production with such an intimate history to a brand new cast of creatives. I wasn't sure if this would be the right thing to do. I wasn't sure if it would work. In reflecting on it now, I'm so grateful that we managed to pull this show together. I'm so grateful that we found our new team and set out to do something brand new with the original script as our starting point.
In a weird collision of what I can only describe as divine timing and/or some manifestation of fate, we found: Brie Kelly, Jai Selva, Keely Woods, Indiah Morris, Tarik Dibb, Quincy Wilson, and our amazing production/design team: Charlotte Carter, Julian Reisingerr and Ella Lincoln with sound composition by Oska Zervoudakis. This team is truly remarkable. They have moved me, they have changed me and they have taught me so much about myself. I am in awe of each and everyone of them and am just so grateful to have learned to know them through this process.
From one on one dinners, never-ending banter, and deep moments of vulnerability, to rehearsals that ran several hours overtime in a freezing cold paint factory and frantic pitches of a new narrative structure that completely subverted the entire direction of the show -- this group of people are not just a part of this show, they are the show. This work was not actually about what you saw onstage - It was about a process. It was about the people who have come together through both iterations of this show and the stories they told, the relationships they formed, and the resonance of their shared humanity that I cannot even attempt to articulate.
As much as I wanted this to be my first big production as a writer and director. As much as I wanted this to be a project to launch my career and establish myself as an artist; I would be lying if I said any of that matters anymore. We didn't sleep last week. We completely restructured the last third of the show on the day of opening night. We cried and we laughed and we fell in love with one another through this process. The show wasn't perfect - it was longer than it needed to be, it was messy and muddled and beautifully flawed, but that's what it needed to be. It wasn't about some perfect articulation of some esoteric meaning. It was about human beings coming together and falling in love with the act of learning to know one another. It was about unanswered questions, about our fears and our longing to be something, someone worth being looked at.
I am in awe of the talent, the passion, and the beauty of the individuals who made this show possible. From the actors, the designers, the producers, the stage management, the collaborators, the family and friends who dealt with my intensity over the past three years - I am in debt to you always.
And now as we wrap up this process and we say goodbye to what was, I feel a familiar feeling. I feel what I felt around a similar time last year. I feel scared. Scared for this show to end. Scared to know that this little family won’t be able to stay together forever. I feel scared of the fact I don't know how to express all of these emotions I feel. I feel scared and overwhelmed by the thought of what's next. This being said, I find comfort in knowing that this happened, that we collided for a moment in our lives, and that through that collision we have become better, more empathic, and more of ourselves.
This is why the theatre is so brilliant. It transforms and it changes us; both in-process and in the product. It allows us to reflect, to discover, and to grow. It brings people together in a way no other art form can. It has been a privilege to create and eventually stage this show.
Thank you to everyone who came to see our work last weekend, to everyone who believed in us, supported, and trusted us - It means the world to me to have these stories told. It means so much to have shared our little world with you.
Thankyou to everyone who made this possible. Thankyou for being a part of an experience that has truly changed my life and has inspired me beyond belief.
I am filled with so much gratitude and overwhelming love.
Production photos, A filmed version of the show, and a documentary of the process to come.
Zed
WHY PATHOS?
IMAGE GALLERY
